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We didn’t find out our baby’s gender when I was pregnant.
It took some work to convince my husband, but eventually, we got used to the idea of not knowing. It became a bright spot in my rough pregnancy.
If I have another kid, I plan to repeat the surprise ending, and I’d definitely recommend it to anyone. Here’s why:
IT’S A TRUE SURPRISE
Yeah, it’s a little cheesy, but it’s true! And in a world where we have information at our fingertips, it’s so cool to leave one big thing unknown. If you’re someone who struggles with wanting control in your life, I’d highly recommend not finding out your baby’s gender.
Let something in your life be out of your hands, even though it’s hard. It’ll teach you a lot about yourself, and it’ll prep you for all the upcoming years when you will need a lot of patience.
TO HELP KEEP THE NAME A SECRET
We picked out baby names early on, but I had no desire to share them with anyone until the baby arrived. When you share baby names before the baby arrives, people often feel the need to comment on your choices. Most people will keep their mouths shut if they find out the baby’s name after his or her birth.
Often, people will ask if you’re having a girl or boy, and then they’ll ask about the name. But when you tell them that you don’t know the baby’s gender, most people will be so shocked and thrown off that they forget to even ask about the name!
TO PROTECT YOUR BABY FROM STRANGERS’ OPINIONS
People love to comment on how difficult or easy they view a specific gender. I don’t know about you, but I have no desire to stand in a grocery store checkout line while some stranger tells me all about how dramatic her girls are, or how wild her nephew is. Not only is this unfair to your unborn child, but it can also cause you unneeded stress.
While not finding out your baby’s gender won’t keep people from giving opinions entirely, it will keep them from flippantly reacting with a gender-related comment that could be hurtful.
IT SHOCKS PEOPLE
I had no clue how much fun it would be to constantly shock people! Everyone reacts differently, and it’s a great litmus test to see how people handle the lack of control.
It’s hilarious to see the self-described type-A personalities get confused and struggle to understand. I had more than a few older women tell me how much they loved that I was doing something that was considered “old-fashioned,” but that was just the norm for them when they were pregnant.
THE SONOGRAPHER COULD BE WRONG
It really does happen! Do you want to spend 6 months preparing to bring home a baby boy, then give birth to a girl? Avoid the shock when you give birth of having to bring your new son home from the hospital in a pink car seat and onesie.
Bonus: Having mostly gender-neutral items will not only prep you for either sex but also keep your items usable for multiple kids in the future!
ADDED MOTIVATION IN THE DELIVERY ROOM
Obviously getting the baby out is a big motivator, but the excitement to find out the baby’s gender definitely adds anticipation. It’s also really exciting for the doctors and nurses because they don’t get to share the news of the baby’s gender very often.
When I had my c-section, all of the doctors and nurses were excited to find out what we were having. Even a midwife making the rounds stopped by to find out!
YOU WON’T GET TONS OF CLOTHES
People enjoy buying lots of cute clothes for babies, understandably. But when they know the gender, you’ll receive a lot of clothes and accessories at your baby shower. As fun as cute clothes can be, you just don’t need 40 onesies, but you will need a stroller and diaper bag.
BONUS: NO PARTY TO THROW!
It’s no secret that I’m not a fan of birthday parties, but I find gender reveal parties over-the-top and unnecessary. By not finding out the sex of your baby, no one has to order a special cake or fill a box with pink or blue balloons.
If those things majorly appeal to you, then go for it. But if you’re exhausted and overwhelmed enough with pregnancy, and the thought of trying to throw an elaborate party to find out something you’ll all find out in just a few months anyway gives you anxiety, just skip the spectacle.
The decision to find out your baby’s gender before he or she arrives is completely up to you and your spouse.
And if you can’t stand the wait, and you want to buy cute clothes and throw a gender reveal party, go all-in and have a blast! But if you choose to buck the trend and wait to find out, know that you’re in for the very best kind of surprise.
Did you find out your baby’s gender? Tell us in the comments below! And check out What No One Told Me About Breastfeeding to prepare for your new bundle of joy!
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We found out with both of our pregnancies. I am a planner and it would be stressed me out too much not knowing. BUT if we have a 3rd kiddo, I like the idea now of not finding out. I have mellowed out much more and am way better about not knowing everything. [kids wear ya down 😅😅😅]
I can definitely understand how it could be stressful, not knowing! It might be fun if you don’t find out in the future!
I found out with all 4 of my kids but the last one I had a gender revel party. It was the best to find out with all our family and friends at the same time.
I bet that was fun!
I was in the military when I had my first child in 1998 and they never told us, so it truly was a special moment when I gave birth and unforgettable when the Doctor said it was a girl! With my second one in 2016 (YES my kids are 18 years apart!) I didn’t want to wait and found out the sex….another girl!! If I have another one I’m definitely going to let it be a surprise. I love your post so much!! Excellent touching points on advantages of waiting, especially the part about people not buying so many clothes!!
Thanks so much, Nicole! I bet raising your daughters so far apart has been quite the adventure! ❤️
Pregnant with baby #3 and we have let all of them be a surprise! I have two girls now and we will find out what the new addition will be in June!
Congratulations, how fun!
I am a planner but decided not to find out the gender. My husband wanted to know but my ob said if I didn’t know he couldn’t know. The morning of my delivery I was at the hospital we told the ob for a boy and girl so instead of saying “it’s a boy” or “it’s a girl” he said their name. In the delivery room the anesthesiologist asked what I was having, I said a baby. I was the first one of the day who didn’t know the gender.
That’s awesome! I loved that you had the doctor say the baby’s name. ❤️ Doctors get so excited when they find out that you don’t know the baby’s sex – they rarely get surprises any more!
We waited with our first and it was fun to be surprised! When the second pregnancy turned out to be twins, we decided to find out so we could plan better.
That’s awesome! Yeah, with twins I could definitely see how ANY knowledge beforehand would be helpful, haha!
I found out the gender of both my kids, the second one only bc my parents were convinced I was having a girl, but I knew I was having a boy and I didn’t want to get tons of girl clothes! It kind of saved us from getting a ton of things we didn’t need so I am glad we did. It would have been more of a surprise though, maybe if we ever have a 3rd we’ll keep it secret just for the fun of it 🙂
That’s definitely a good reason to find out the sex of the baby! Having a bunch of stuff you couldn’t use would have sucked.
I think these are great reasons to not find out! Especially since people can be so judgy, you’re totally right. Although when I was pregnant with my second, even before we found out, they would say, “Oh, you already have a boy… are you hoping this one is a girl?” No, I just want a healthy baby! Turned out it was another boy and I have 2 AMAZING sons now!
I hate when people say that – the idea that you need “one of each” is absurd.
I get asked if I want to have a girl allllll the time because I have two boys. When I was pregnant with our last everyone was adamant it was going to be a girl–I knew differently lol. I didn’t care whatsoever but knew it was a boy 🙂
Families come in so many varieties, and I love that you love your brood of boys!!
I agree with everything you said!! We have 3 girls now, and we didn’t find out with any of them. I always thought I wanted to know the gender, but we decided to keep our first one a surprise after a recommendation from a friend. And now I can’t imagine doing it any other way! I keep swearing that it will be a boy next time, and 3 girls later we are still surprised every time!!
Oh, wow! I’m super impressed that you’ve kept it a surprise each time. If I had three girls, I don’t know if I could wait to find out a fourth time, haha!
All these points are valid. I found out the Gender beforehand with all my kids. Part of it was my personality. I like to be in control so that would have been one more thing to have control over….lol
It’s definitely hard to have something so major be out of your control!
I totally get that it will help avoid other people’s opinions. Who needs that at a time like this!?
Yes, people always have to give their opinions about everything, so giving them as little info as possible helps.
i love this idea and admire people that can do this, i’m a total control freak and wanna have the nursery done before hand so i found out for both of mine but it IS true that it probably keeps people from opening their big fat mouths with their opinions haha!!
We went with a gender neutral nursery, and then eventually redid the nursery a few years down the road because I wanted it to be more girly. Not getting to go crazy on the nursery was definitely the hardest part of not finding out the baby’s gender for me.
love all these reasons! I was going to keep my third child’s gender a secret but the sonographer wrote down the gender and put it in an envelope in case we changed our minds and I just couldn’t wait!! We kept the name a secret but honestly I wish I could have been patient enough to have the gender be a surprise!
There’s no way I wouldn’t have looked if the doctor had given us the envelope – way too tempting! Our sonographer didn’t put the baby’s gender in our charts, so even our doctor didn’t know. That way we couldn’t even call to ask or ask at a later appointment!
There are definitely pros and cons to both! With our first we waited and were surprised, and with our second we chose to find out in late pregnancy for practical reasons. If we have a third honestly don’t know which way we would go, finding out or not. Hahaha
Totally agree that there are both pros and cons!!
I wanted a baby girl so much that I was excited to know my baby’s gender in my 2 pregnancies. If I’ll have my 3rd, I want the gender to be a surprise because a baby is a gift, and it’s sweet to receive a gift without really knowing what’s inside. Being surprised is part of the joy of receiving a gift.
I love that! Being surprised is part of the gift. I completely agree.